


Sick Fires

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Biology, Anal Sex, Dubious Consent, Frotting, Inappropriate Humor, Irony, M/M, dreambubble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-28
Updated: 2011-03-28
Packaged: 2017-10-20 15:54:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/214429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider used to think this fanfic had been deleted. He was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sick Fires

                When adiosToredor first trolled him, Dave thought he was just another internet kiddie diddler.  Disturbed but only slightly, he scared the pedophile away with his Chris Hansen patented reverse psychology. Several chatlogs later, Dave found out that adiosToredor was actually a teenager like him and a rather immature one at that.  Dave’s opinion of adiosToredor changed.  Tavros was the farthest thing from a rapist you could get.

                His opinion changed again when the troll pined him to the ground and kissed him.

                It wasn’t totally out of the blue. They had been wrestling in the dream bubble, just doing some friendly roughhousing, when Tavros started playing it real.  Dave had speed on his side, but Tavros was much stronger, and Dave wasn’t prepared to actually fight. Now he was on the floor of the hive, his head hurting from being pounded on the uncarpeted floor, his wrists pressed together above his head, and his legs trapped under the weight of an alien superman. Dave tried to struggle but it was no use. The alien, looking even more inhuman with its blank eyes, moved in closer and closer, its warm breath fogging his glasses, its grey tongue slipping past its fangs, til it devoured his lips. It then reeled backwards, and in a strange voice it said,

                                “Uhh,  I hate you?”

                                “What the fuck was that?” Dave sputtered.

                                “Oh yeah,” the alien said, “You guys probably don’t have kissing, do you?”

                                “We do have kissing! Tons of it! But usually not like this!”

                                “Uhh, what did I do wrong? Was it the tongue thing?”

                                “Well, for one you aren’t supposed to breath into me like I’m some type of resusci-annie!” he said, “Gog, that was the worst first kiss I’ve ever had.”

                                “That was your first kiss?” Tavros asked, “Wait, how many first kisses have you had?”

                                “No! I mean, you don’t kiss dudes you hate. Actually, you usually don’t kiss dudes at all, unless you’re a girl. Okay, you can kiss dudes if you are a homosexual, which I am not!”

                                “Human romance sure is confusing.”

                                “Wait, this is that weird troll quadrant game, isn’t it? You want to hate-fuck me like carcinoGenetists wants to hate-fuck Egbert?”

                                Tavros blushed brown. “Uhh, I wouldn’t say fuck, that isn’t, uhh, very romantic, but I do <3< you with all my cardiovascular system.” 

                                “Sorry bro but I don’t…however the hell you pronounce that.”

                                Tavros frowned. “Uhh, that’s too bad,” He said and then suddenly started smiling again. “ But I’ve decided I should stop caring so much what people think. It’s better for my self-esteem that way.”

                                “Oh I’m SO glad raping me will help YOU with YOUR self-esteem.”

                                “Yeah, you’ve actually helped me out. I didn’t even know I had it in me. Even Karkat though I was a, uhh, pail failure and he knows a lot about that think pan stuff. But then I trolled you and you said all those things and it made me metamorphorized like a beautiful fairy.”

                                “You sure are a fai…no you wouldn’t get that either,” Dave said and then looked down, “Oh gog what the hell kind of tentacles are you smuggling in there?”

                Tavros looked down at his bulging crotch with a mixture of embarrassment and pride.

                                “Oh wow, you really excited me. I didn’t know it got that big. I really don’t know much about it, I kinda lost feeling down there and then it ended up on the wrong side of my body but now it’s all back in the right place with the right feelings so that’s good, isn’t it?”

                While his captor was babbling, Dave tried to escape. His wriggling only made whatever was in that alien’s crotch throb more.

                                Tavros moaned, “Uhh, I think you should know, uhh, your resistance only makes my thingy harder.”

                His captor responded by moving his knees together even more, and increasing the pressure on his wrists.

                                “You can’t hold me down like this forever,” Dave said.

                                “I guess I can’t,” Tavros sighed.

                Dave suddenly felt cold metal on his wrists.

                                “Where did you get those handcuffs?” he asked.

                                “From thin air,” Tavros answered, “I guess I’m just really good at having a high imagination stat.”

                Dave pulled against the cuffs once or twice before giving up. Egbert had taught him how to escape from trick cuffs, but these were the real deal. Tavros not only had a good imagination, he had a very specific one. Why couldn’t he at least imagine some fuzzy lining?

                With Dave’s arms taken care of, Tavros moved down to his pants. When he touched the button of the human’s jean, Dave started bucking again. He knew it was even more pointless now, but he wasn’t going to let Tavros just have his way. 

                                Tavros again started moaning, “P..please don’t, you’ll make me pail early.”

                                “Maybe I want that,” Dave shot back before he stop himself.

                                “Uhhh, wow!”

                                “I mean I want you to stop, I don’t want you to spray me with whatever caustic flesh-melting alien cumsauce you have in your gray sacks.”

                Tavros opened the human’s pants while the human was busy worrying about alien biology. He pulled down the jeans the best he could, stopping to ogle the nacho-patterned boxers before pulling that down too. He pushed Dave’s legs over his head while he looked at his crotch like he was searching for treasure. He grabbed Dave’s balls.

                                “Uhh, what are these?” he asked.

                                “They’re my man-goo sacks!” Dave said through gritted teeth.

                                “Man-goo?”

                                “Don’t try and open them up or I will fucking open up your skull!”

                Tavros released his grip and Dave breathed out. Tavros hand moved around Dave’s crotch.

                                “Where is your, uhh, bone nook supposed to be?”

                                “What the hell is that and why would I have one? Why are you so surprised we’re biologically incompatiable?”

                                “I just thought since we look so much…ah! Here it is!”

                Tavros stuck his finger right into Dave’s ass. Dave gave an embarrasingly girly cry.

                                “That’s! Not! It!” he cried.

                                “It’s not?”

                                “No, that’s for exit only, humans NEVER put anything in there,” Dave lied.

                                “Oh,” Tavros answered, but he didn’t stop fingering Dave’s ass, “It’s awfully dry and small.”

                                “Of…of course it’s dry, it’d be, ah, real nasty if it was spewing lube juice everywhere.”

                                “But you kind of like it, I think?”

                It was true. The fair-haired boy was blushing head to toe and his cock was even starting to move. Dave cursed his totally ironic experimental exploration of that area. Maybe if Tavros’s finger had been the first to ever go where no man had ever gone before, his ass wouldn’t have been so pliant.

                                “Look, alien boy,” Dave said, “horny doesn’t mean the same thing in humanese as it does in alienese!”

                                “Horny?”  
                                “Liking something, ah, sexually.”

                Tavros moved his other hand onto Dave’s semi-flacid cock, while continuing to idly finger his asshole.

                                “So what is this, uhh, bone bulge looking thingy?”

                                “It’s my fucking spam porposise, my man sausage, my goo gun, my, ahh, cock!”

                                “What does it do?”

                                “Gets big and hard and, ahh, goes into girls!”

                                “Oh!  Just like a bone bulge!” Tavros said, “You do like this!”

                Damn, he totally failed that bluff. Even worse, his cock was getting big and hard, just like he explained. Tavros moved his hand up and down Dave’s shaft.

                                “What is this membrane on it?” Tavros asked

                                “It’s my, ah, skin…skinny…my foreskin!”

                                “What does it do?”

                                “Gets thrown into a medical waste disposal bin? No, that’s not an invitation, you freak!”

                                “Huh, weird.”

                Tavros removed his hands from Dave’s body. Dave breathed out, briefly missed their touch before regretting that feeling, and then tried to sit up. Tavros pushed him down again. He wasn’t giving up, and he wasn’t finished. He unbuttoned his pants and let out his alien wing-wong. Dave was relieved to find it actually didn’t look that different from a human penis. It was smoother than a human penis and naturally foreskin-less, but the head was brown and slightly ridged. He was unrelieved to find it was much bigger than his. It wasn’t much longer than five inches but it was very thick and fully hard.

                                “What the hell is that?” Dave asked, though he knew the answer.

                                “My b…bone bulge,” Tavros said, his eyes closed and lips pursed. He actually looked almost endearingly goofy. 

                He grabed his alien gentials and pushed against Dave, trying desperately to insert even a little bit of the head in his asshole.

                                Dave yelled, “It’s not going to fit no matter how many times you turn in turnwise, you hornes ass!”

                                “I just need to wet it a little,” Tavros said. He spat on his hand and then rubbed it on his bone bulge.

                                “What, no, do you go to the Brokeback school of anal sex? Stop reading manga for girls!”

                                “Huh?” Tavros said as he pushed again into Dave. He was slightly more sucessful this time. The oversized head streched Dave’s virgin hole and he was starting to panic.

                                “No no no no stop it I fucking want you to die! Again!”

                                 “Wow, you really are getting into this kismesis thing!”

                                “Fuck you I really hate you! I hate you! I hate being dead and I hate being stuck in hell with you and I hate that I screwed everything up and now this is my punishment!”

                Tavros stopped. Dave was crying. He felt the tears on his face. Great, he thought to himself, he’d saved his anal cherry and all it cost was his dignity.

                                “Uhh, this isn’t right, is it?” Tavros asked.

                                “Of course it isn’t right, this is R-A-P-E, asshole.”

                                “I mean I don’t know if I hate you or not,” Tavros said.

                                “Well I hate you, douchebag.”

                Tavros looked even more sad.

                                “I thought gardenGnostic was my matesprit, but now I feel like you’re my matesprit,” he said.

                                “You were going to put your alien tentacles in Harley? You sick bastard.”

                                “See, we could have, uhh, competed over her as kismesis, but now I <3 you and you <3< me. We’re stuck in one of those mobbing ridearound relationships.”

                                “Don’t stick anything in me!”

                                “I won’t now,” Tavros said sadly to the wall.

                Dave thought it was over. He still didn’t move. He was sore. He suddenly felt a hand on his cock.

                                “What are you doing now?” he asked.

                Tavros rubbed his mostly hard bone bulge against Dave’s.

                                “Uhh, I think this is what matesprits usually do ,” he said, “Do you like it?”

                It did actually feel really good. Dave’s erection returned and his blush again spread down his body.  He thrusted up against Tavros’s warm flesh.

                                “Ahh,” he said, “You do know this is rape, that is still totally a thing.”

                                “Uhh, sorry about that, I don’t really know how our black romance is supposed to work.”

                                “Ahhh, nobody does. Just don’t stop.”

                The two teenagers grounded against each other on the floor. They were still mostly clothed and Dave was still handcuffed, but neither of them cared.  Tavros played with Dave’s foreskin, even pulling it over his own head. Dave thought this was weird but those ridges did feel good on his foreskin. Hell, the whole thing was weird.

                Tavros didn’t last long. He suddenly stiffened and Dave immediately recognized it was his orgasm. Dave was alarmed when that alien wing-wong started spewing chocolatey fluid. He relaxed when he realized it was just the troll equivilent of cum, felt turned on by the idea it was him creating this ecstasy, and then alarmed again when the stuff didn’t stop coming.

                                “Holy everloving fuck, that’s what you use pails for!” he said.

                                “Uhh, sorry, uhh, ohhhh, god…” Tavros moaned as his orgasm finally subceeded.

                Tavros fell forward as if he was about to pass out, but suddenly rocked himself back. He looked down at Dave’s totally drenched shirt.

                                “Uhh, sorry about the shirt,” he said,  as he rubbed Dave’s cock in his genetic fluid.

                                “Fashion’s stupid,” Dave said, “Just get me off.”

                Dave laid back and enjoyed the hand job. He was shamefully close himself and came quickly after a few strokes. He looked down and saw the small white splotch against the huge brown puddle. It looked rather sad.

                                “Uhh, does that mean you have white blood?” Tavros asked.

                                “Only if I was a cyborg ninja,” Dave answered, “No, we all have red blood. You’re the freaky one.”

                After a moment of silence,  Tavros undid Dave’s cuffs. Dave promptly slapped Tavros.

                                “Uhh, I probably deserved that,” Tavros said.

                                “Hell yeah you do,” Dave said.

                There was a sound of bells as Aradia flew back in. She smiled with a pride Dave thought was totally undeserved. He realized then he’d been set up.

                                “So how are you boys getting along?” she asked as if she didn’t know the answer.

                                Dave shot back “Are all you troll bitches totally psychotic?”  

                                “Are you flirting with me, knight? In front of your kismesis?”

                                “What, no! Jesus, I just got raped by the biggest wimp in paradox space. That is so…”

                                “Ironic?” Aradia asked.

                YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
